Food that is (Supposedly) Really Good High and Only Mediocre Sober

-Lee Musho

You only have a moment before the munchies kick in and The Hanger begins to take over your sight with images of swirling Big Macs and Cheetos falling like rain from the cheese heavens.  

This is a very important moment. What you choose to do about it will make or break your 4/20 experience.

My first rule?

Stay away from the dining halls. You will be tempted. More so than you have ever been tempted before. It’s free your munchies controlled mind will say, it only costs a swipe! An endless buffet of food! Stop your munchies mind right there.

This is not a normal day for you! This is a holiday! You do not want to be run down by the overcooked noodles and pizza that has been sitting under the same heating lamp for the past three hours! You need to let your munchies mind lead you to new horizons…

You have two choices- Savor snacks that will make your fuzzed-out mind sparkle with delight, or gorge yourself on heavy, cheesy, meaty courses that will induce a nap. Either choice will fulfill you.

Here are some foods that ‘Cuse students say are their “hanger” go-tos that are spectacular when high and can at times only be mediocre when sober.

  1. The Smoothie: It is cold. It can come in any flavor you like. It will leave room in your stomach for more food! One ‘Cuse student told me that she buys a Freshens or a Naked smoothie every time she blazes – She drinks it during and after smoking, and while in that spectacular state of being afterward, the tangy flavor of exotic fruits alights her numbed senses.
  2. Ritz Crackers: There is a group of ‘Cuse students known as the Ritz Cracker Club. They each eat an entire sleeve of Ritz crackers after smoking. They say that the only thing better than the butteriness of the crackers is the crunch.
  3. The McGangbang: I am told that it is a McChicken inside a McDouble on the McDonalds secret menu. One guy said that the sight of it when sober churns his stomach, but when high it is gone in an instant, followed by an extreme case of satisfaction

    McDonald’s McGangbang
  4.  Pringles: You can make yourself and your friends look like ducks. Need I say more?
  5. Funyuns: If you left an onion out on your kitchen counter for about five years, this is what it would taste like. However, your munchie-controlled mind thinks differently.
  6. Frosting or Nutella: All you need is a spoon, and you’re set for hours of staring at chocolatey goodness. One student said that she fell asleep with Nutella all over her face, only to wake up later and lick it all off after smoking a second time. She said her ego did not diminish when she licked her own face for a snack, which is quite commendable in my eyes.

No matter what you do, celebrate this holiday with laughter and friends, and before you prepare for your sedated slumber, follow your munchie mind to the promised land.

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