Some people call it an unhealthy obsession, I call it a love affair.

I remember trying it for the first time. It was fifth grade and I was having tea with my bookclub. There was a thin layer of chocolate-brown spread across two triangles of white bread.

How do I type the word Nutella without becoming crazed? I am already becoming jittery…

That’s the only problem with Nutella: You can (and will) eat it with any and everything, and soon the jar will be empty, leaving you to frantically scrape the bottom for more. Looking back will feel like trying to remember what you did the other night, blurry and shameful.

Have you ever gotten Nutella in your hair? Have you ever then put your hair in your mouth to lick it out?

Whether you’ve bargained with your friend for a stick from their Nutella-to-Go pack or stolen it by the spoonful from your roommate’s drawer, we’ve all done some strange things for Nutella.

In April of 2013, thieves ran off with 5.5 metric tons of Nutella (a load worth $20,710) in Germany. Columbia University was involved in the controversy, “Nutella-gate,” which exposed the school for spending $6,000 a week on Nutella in its dining halls. Students were eating 100 pounds of it per day.

Nutella has 30,028,635 likes on Facebook. 250,000 tons of Nutella are sold in 75 countries each year. One jar of Nutella is sold every 2.5 seconds throughout the world.

According to the United States Census Bureau, one person is born every four seconds. That means that there are more jars of Nutella out there than there are babies. Personally, I’m okay with that.

The moral of the story? Do not trust someone who does not have an obsession with Nutella, because then they aren’t human. And that means they’re zombies or vampires or something.

***(Ask someone about their allergies before you write them off, though. Some people are deathly allergic to hazelnuts. It’s not their fault that they can’t experience what we can.)