baked

the ultimate food high

10 Things That Are Best Said With Candy Hearts

Mikey Light

As an up-and-coming communications professional, I love candy but absolutely loathe any form of confrontation. With Valentine’s Day approaching us at mach speed, there’s no better time to dodge the difficult conversations  with clever use of festive candies! Here are some tough discussions that can be easily avoided with some custom-made candy hearts straight from the Necco.

  1. Screen Shot 2016-02-13 at 12.43.38 PMIt can be really difficult to tell your roommate that you forgot to take care of their geraniums while they were visiting their sick grandmother in Florida. What better way to soften the blow than with a delicious, chalk-flavored candy heart?
  2. Screen Shot 2016-02-13 at 12.44.17 PMWe all break down every once in awhile. A lot of therapists will tell you that writing your issues down is easier than saying them out loud. I say take it a step further and do it with candy!
  3. Screen Shot 2016-02-13 at 12.44.24 PMBreakups are hard. Even harder when there’s contention over who gets to keep the beloved Labrador pup that you bought together back when things were good. Usually it’s up to a grumpy old judge to decide who gets the dog, but you can make that decision for him with a delicious Necco® candy heart and a very fast car.
  4. Screen Shot 2016-02-13 at 12.44.30 PMYour friends, family and law enforcement are always all over your case with dumb questions like “why did you do it?” Or “where is she?” Avoid self-incrimination in the most romantic way possible this Valentine’s Day!
  5. Screen Shot 2016-02-13 at 12.44.35 PMIf you’re like me, you often find yourself being detained by felonious individuals. Appeal to your aggressor’s sweet-tooth with this delicious Valentine’s Day treat!
  6. Screen Shot 2016-02-13 at 12.44.41 PMComing clean has never been so sweet! Whether in a court of law or during a tearful confrontation with a significant other, share your dishonest nature this February with Necco®.
  7. Screen Shot 2016-02-13 at 12.44.47 PMThere’s nothing more difficult than telling your beloved family that you can no longer support them. Be sure to have a box of these on hand when the bank comes to seize the life that you have built for your many dependants.
  8. Screen Shot 2016-02-13 at 12.44.52 PMNihilism ho! There’s nothing more romantic than the most absolute of all universal truths. Remind your beloved of the transience of all things this Valentine’s Day in the least inflammatory way possible courtesy of Necco®.
  9. Screen Shot 2016-02-13 at 12.44.58 PMWe oftentimes bear witness to the horrific post-infidelity drama that comes when  those around us cheat on their significant others. Never do we take into consideration dealing with the less-than-significant others who are a party to our adulterous activities. This Valentine’s Day tell that seductive temptress/temptor exactly where they stand in your life in style with the worst-tasting candy there is!
  10. Screen Shot 2016-02-13 at 12.45.03 PMWouldn’t this have been simpler? Necco® sure thinks so

Candy heart images courtesy of Cryptogram

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About Baked Magazine

Baked is Syracuse University’s student-run food magazine. Founded in 2011, Baked aims to widen food options for SU students by introducing kitchen amateurs to cooking, highlighting local businesses and eateries, and connecting readers to the greater Syracuse food community. It publishes one issue each semester.

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