Prove That You Don’t Belong At The Kids’ Table This Year

Welcome to the adults’ table! You’ve finally made it to that point in your life where it’s no longer acceptable to sit at the kids’ table with your seven-year-old cousins. So accept the invitation and join the grownups, because childhood is OVER. Don’t get too sad, now—with greater responsibility comes more alcohol (sparkling cider is so three years ago).

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It’s the holiday season and that can only mean two things: food and family. Since you’re now a part of the adults’ table, here are some tips to prove you belong there so you don’t have to return to the kiddie corner.

Utilize Your Utensils

Depending on how formal your Thanksgiving dinner is, there might be multiple utensils at your disposal. Don’t be afraid! Just imagine it as your own personal basketball team: every player has its own purpose to fulfill. Salad fork, soup spoon, dessert knife… Don’t worry—just eat with the utensils on the outside and move your way in as the courses progress.

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Manners Make the Man (or Woman)

Having table manners is what’s going to differentiate the boys from the men and the girls from the ladies. Patrick Star was wrong—when in doubt, don’t do pinky out! According to the Emily Post Institute, there are some basic table manners to keep in mind:

Chew with your mouth closed. You’re a human, not a horse.

Don’t pick your teeth at the table. There isn’t any gold up there, so stop searching.

Always excuse yourself from the table. If the food passes right through you, RUN (but do it with style and grace).

Wait until you’ve finished chewing to sip or swallow a drink. Well, unless you’re choking. In that case, bottoms up!

Avoid making noises at all costs. No one wants to hear the symphony you’re making with your mouth.

Now go out in the world, young adult. Use what I have taught you here to show your family members you belong at the adults’ table. Sit up straight, elbows off the table, and dig in—respectably, of course.

Chazz-Bio

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