FINALLY! After 301 days of torturous suspension, HBO’s epic fantasy series “Game Of Thrones” returns for its fifth season Sunday, April 12 at 9 p.m. ET. We hate to admit it, but it’s been a while since we’ve travelled to the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros (if you’ve never been, then you must live under a rock). The world of the Iron Throne, dragons, fear of the real winter, and incest is no easy story to swallow. Instead, buy the cheapest liquor you can find and clink your cups as the bloody excitement resumes.
1. Before the opening theme even plays, take a shot because GOT IS BACK, B*TCHES.
2. When Khaleesi’s dragons blow fire, take a shot and feel the burn.
3. Whenever Hodor appears, scream “Hooooooodor” and take a sip.
4. Chug your drink every time someone is beheaded.
5. Anytime a dire wolf appears, everyone must take a sip. The last person must howl for 10 seconds and take another sip for being a loser.
6. Whenever Tyrion takes a sip, you take a sip.
7. Every time Daenerys says something in another language, repeat her gibberish and take a shot to deal with your terrible impersonation.
8. Raise your glass and take a swig if a Lannister is slapped—bonus swig if it’s by another Lannister.
9. Take one shot for sex. Two if it involves a prostitute. And three if it’s incest. (Yup, we’re looking at you Cersei and Jamie.)
10. Whenever you see tits drink until they’re off-screen (has to be a full rack—not side boob).
11. Take three shots every time Littlefinger does his creepy-uncle-rapist face.
12. Take a swig whenever Melisandre spits fire about some nonsense sh*t.
13. Roll your eyes and take a sip every time Sansa bitches or complains. (You’ll need to fill up your glass for this one.)
14. Every time Varys says something wise, take a sip and raise one eyebrow. (Men, take a shot to celebrate the fact that your ballsacks are still intact).
15. Every time Theon Greyjoy comes on screen, every man in the room must take another shot to celebrate the fact that they still have a dick.
16. Shotgun a beer and throw the empty can at the TV whenever this crazy motherf*cker appears.
17. As the credits roll, chug a glass of water to recover. Or not.